How can I get rid of comparison? I recently worked as an interpreter at an event in Houston for young “math stars”—children and their parents from all over the country who gathered to connect, share experiences, and learn about opportunities for developing mathematical talent.
One of the speakers, who talked about math camps, offered the parents a piece of advise:
“Be prepared for your child to reach a point at one of these math camps where they suddenly hit a wall, encounter someone better than them, and become overwhelmed by comparison.
This can bring up a lot of uncomfortable feelings. Emotions triggered by comparison can be devastating and destructive. We want to guide students to a point where all comparison ceases. Believe it or not, such a point exists.
It’s the point at which we discover wonder for ourselves. When we find wonder, we realize we no longer want to compare ourselves to others.”
I couldn’t help but think of René Girard’s theory of mimetic desire as the main source of human conflict and violence.
According to Girard, mimetic desire arises in the heart not simply because we want the same object as someone else, but because we see that person wanting it. We imitate their desire, and suddenly, what they want becomes something we want, too.
“Rivalry does not arise because of the fortuitous convergence of two desires on a single object; rather, the subject desires the object because the rival desires it.” — René Girard
We want something not because we want something but because we see someone else wanting it. Such is the nature of mimesis and a source of violence. Is there a way out?
We cannot get rid of imitation. Nor should we. Girard argues that whom we choose to imitate makes all the difference in the world. When we imitate people, we fall into mimesis and violence. When we imitate Christ, the model cannot become a rival to be defeated.
Why doesn’t imitating Christ give rise to mimetic rivalry? Because Christ desires what cannot be owned or possessed. He desires communion with Being itself. When we look at Him and the same desire awakens in our hearts, we cannot compete with Him for the possession of Being.
A math student can look at their teacher’s achievements and feel mimetic rivalry. Yet the moment they discover the wonder of their own journey, rivalry dissolves, because Being is inexhaustible.
When you experience connection to Being, there is nothing to compete for. There is enough Being for everyone. Everyone who desires Being can experience Being in full.
Being does not diminish when someone discovers its wonder. It does not become less available for others when someone delights in it. We may envy a virtuoso who plays the piano beautifully, but that envy dissipates the moment we begin playing ourselves and discover the joy of music. Envy is incompatible with joy.
Whoever finds Being always finds it afresh. It is new every morning. The only way not to compare is to desire the Incomparable. Whether we explore mathematics, literature, philosophy, or music, the point is not to surpass someone else but to discover the inexhaustible wonder of Being for ourselves.
When our goal is to surpass, we cannot experience Being. When we experience Being, we cannot compare. Rivalry and violence cease when we imitate Christ’s desire of connection to Being.
We begin to see that whatever aspect of Being others delight in does not diminish our own delight in it. On the contrary, our delight is augmented!
Suddenly, we see all these delights enriching one another and creating a kind of symphony in which every voice is needed.
So, at the end of the session, the speaker fittingly concluded:
“Do not seek achievements; stoke the fire. Do not desire success — find joy.”
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